The Airing of the Grievances

December 23 is better known as Festivus. At least it is to fans of the mega-classic sitcom, “Seinfeld”. The “Festivus” episode is actually titled “The Strike” (Season 9, episode 10) and can be found anytime on Hulu or Amazon Prime. It also airs on TBS on December 23 at 10:30 PM and on December 24 at 1:30 AM, 8:30 AM and 11:30 AM. #YouAreWelcome

If you aren’t familiar with the plot of this episode, I won’t try to explain it here as I can’t do it justice plus I’ve told you several different ways you can watch the real (“and spectacular”) thing for yourself. It is one of the best and richest episodes in the Seinfeld catalog. In addition to the introduction of the Festivus holiday, this episode includes Jerry’s “two face” girlfriend, George’s invention of The Human Fund, Elaine giving out fake phone numbers and Kramer going back to work for H&H Bagel after the end of a 12-year strike.

One of the core traditions of Festivus is The Airing of the Grievances. In keeping with that tradition, here are my airing of my Bourbon grievances. And I’ve got a lot of problems with you people! (Not really, I think you all are sooo good looking.)

Grievance the first: The Switch. Don’t confuse this with the Roommate Switch, because in the entire history of western civilization no one has successfully accomplished it. This Switch, unfortunately, has been accomplished far too often: the practice of a distiller pulling off the market a beloved brand that was a great value and replacing it with something else. We may be told that there simply wasn’t enough of that Bourbon available in the warehouses (aka “shrinkage”). Then a new release may be presented back to the market as having debatable improvements and a much higher price tag. Whatever the case, as a consumer we are are left frustrated and with fewer value options. Serenity now!

Grievance the second: Wearing the Bourbon Ribbon. This is a phenomenon seen when a brand is lauded on-line or named a “Whiskey of the Day or Month or Year”. The brand then immediately becomes inexplicably popular. And you certainly don’t want to be the one who “doesn’t want to wear the ribbon” and echo the shouts of praise for this latest Bourbon darling. “Who doesn’t like Uncle Nearest? You don’t like Uncle Nearest?!” No, I really don’t. At least not as much as I should based on the social media Ribbon Bullies. I’m also not standing in line to get 1792. That doesn’t make either of those brands bad. I respect them both and lots of people, obviously, like them…not that there’s anything wrong with that. Neither to me, however, rates as a “chocolate babka” whiskey.

Grievance the third: the Allocation System. Just as Mr. Kruger found Frank’s Festivus belief system fascinating, I find the Bourbon allocation system fascinating. And by “fascinating” I mean the equivalent of a dry heave set to music. While the shelves are full of Weller in Texas, it’s “No Weller for you!” in most of the rest of the country. Ask the local liquor stores if they are “Happy, Pappy?” with their Van Winkle allocation and they will tell you to “Get out!”. As a Bourbon consumer if you happen to find a bottle of Elmer T. Lee on the shelf for close to retail, then it’s a Festivus Miracle!

While there are some issues in the Bourbon World yada, yada, yada…we really have it pretty good. Most of us are blessed far more than we deserve in life and in Bourbon. I wish you a Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Seasons Greetings and Happy Festivus! Now on to the Festivus feats of strength: a pour or two of Booker’s.